Spiders: 12+ … Me: -0

So about half my scalp, the left side, behind my ear but also including my ear, has around a dozen spider bites. That’s not an exaggeration and is probably an underestimation, but yeah – spider bites.

To put it in perspective, I thought there were maybe 6 or so but after a week of really incubating the toxins, it’s definitely more like a dozen. Country livin’, people.
Country. Ass. Livin’…

I believe it all started when I had to check up under my rig (my RV, in RV language) and there was a spider web. Maybe a lot of spider webs. But I had gloves on so I was protected. I crawled under the belly of Stella, which wasn’t so much a crawl as a squat and duck walk, my hair up in a bandana around my forehead, running into a web or three, whereupon some little creature – or more – hitched a ride. (Funny: My sister referred to the movie ‘Hitch’ in all this, but that’s later in the story)

It was about to rain hard all day and I was taking an early rain-free moment to dump my tanks. That’s always something fun to look forward to. It’s a streamline event, but it still required my attention to the Stella belly and, frankly, there’s not a lot of room down there. I am almost sure I rinsed whatever crawled in back out of my hair later that night, but by then it was obviously too late and the damage was done. Remember the video you saw of the mama spider with about a hundred baby spiders on her back? No? Here ya go:

Exactly what I’m picturing but with a relaxed mama and some adventuresome bebes in my hair having a field day. I had tried to kill a spider the night before, felt bad about spraying it with a natural flying insect repellent, so I immediately doused the thing with rainwater, but it was already mad and sent its henchmen… henchspiders to eat me alive. And, to be really honest, I’ve already killed two black widow spiders. So maybe it’s Spiders: 12+ and me: 2

Everything hurts. From my scalp to my jaw, my neck, the back of my arm, and even my gums when I brush my teeth, everything is crazy sore or feels bruised. Of course, because my ear has become this red, swollen appendage that is on FIRE and I itch like one giant mosquito bite, I did look at bit like Hitch trying to woo a woman during an allergic reaction. That never turns out well. And sleep? not happening. Every few seconds one of the bites STINGS like being attacked by an angry wasp. Try sleeping through that. I should probably get it looked at. I do have a doc’s appt in 4 days – soonest they could get me in – so I’m good. Let’s hope my hair doesn’t start falling out.