Over time, my thoughts on what this blog would be about rose and fell, undulated and morphed and beckoned and forbade. I wanted to chronicle the RV’s renovation but the onslaught of problems and challenges, along with my all-too-often trips back to Houston and the home I need to sell, changed things. Things change. The scenery changed. Life changed. I changed. I didn’t really mean to change but it was inevitable.
So, for awhile, this will be me bitching about how life has changed and will probably reveal my resistance to the changes in me. I go too easily from being blissful and happy to frustrated and angry, disappointed and unsure, questioning myself and my decisions, my intentions and impetus. I have no idea what I’m doing nor what I’m doing here. Then I remember the initial spark that brought me to this place in time. I have to remember or I’ll implode with self doubt.
The incessant winds had kept me from finishing the fence around my little plot of homestead on my sister’s land. Today could be a good day to work on that. My bro-in-law had to make a run today to help someone do something; I am here with my day gig work, clearing more space for more of my flotsam, clearing for when I return again from a trip to Houston this week to get more of my wahoo and figure out where in hell to put it all. Storage. Even that is brimming and overrun with my stuff.
I wonder too constantly why I sold my little gem of a home I’d been in for nearly 14 years, why I thought I wanted to “experiment” just to see if I COULD sell it, to see if I could get a bigger house that was still affordable. I guess that experiment was wildly successful. Be careful what you experiment with, you might succeed. Sometimes there’s that collateral depression and the insidious regret…but not this time. I’m moving forward and am so happy with the way things are unfolding. I had my massively big house, now I’m ready to downsize and live a more simple, quiet life. Ha! As if….
Here and now, it helps to walk outside and watch the sunset. Or the moonrise. Or anything that brings me back to why I am doing this and how beautiful Life is when I stop to really see.